Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Ron Paul

I have a friend named Walt who grew up in East Texas in the 60s and 70s, spending most of his youth in the cities of Freeport and Angleton. Walt hates the war in Iraq with a passion, and is sick enough of the status quo to advocate rioting at least a quarter of the time I talk politics with him. He thinks the Bush administration is the worst thing to happen to America in decades, possibly ever, and is massively disillusioned with the Democratic party. He will not be voting for Dr. Ron Paul.

As many of you know, Ron Paul was a gynecologist before entering politics. As probably only one or two of you know, Ron Paul was Walt's mother's gynecologist before entering politics. According to Walt, Ron Paul once recommended her a hysterectomy for reasons still at large, a recommendation that was not taken after a different doctor gave a second opinion discrediting and mocking Ron Paul's advice. Walt's mother lives to this day, hale and healthy and with every last bit of her uterus.

Ron Paul tried to steal my friend's mom's uterus.

I'm not going to tell you who I'm voting for, and I'm not going to tell you who I'm not voting for, but I will say this: a vote for Ron Paul is a vote for a man who tried to steal my friend's mom's uterus.


deckard said...

Joe, you're truly amazing. Not only do you make me laugh out loud at work every day, affirming my coworkers' suspicions that I am insane, now you've finally given me a definitive reason why I shouldn't support Ron Paul - a candidate about whom I've been somewhat on the fence for some time now. Do you also cure diseases?

Anonymous said...

you are rad.

Anyway, that should be a bumper sticker. Also, thank you for giving me a more solid reason not to vote for Ron Paul. :D

tashikitten said...

That was wonderful. Ron Paul talked a good game on The Colbert Report, but the more I find out about him, the less appealing he is. And now I find out he's a uterus thief?! Forget it.

Colinski said...

Thanks for the tip. I knew Ronpaul wasn't to be trusted.

booktapes said...

Re: that picture of Ron Paul. "I once extracted a uterus THIS BIG..."

H1KG1 said...

Hey Mr. Mathlete. Long time reader, first time commentator, I think. Anyway, thanks for the heads-up on Ron Paul. I mean, what kind of message are we sending kids if we elect a uterus thief?

Dorothy said...

I'm with camo: "Ron Paul tried to steal Joe Mathelete's friend's Mom's uterus."

Is the best bumper sticker idea ever. From the tenuous grammar, to the inexplicable sentiment--perfection.

I can vision it: Black with white lettering for all words but "uterus", which is red.

I would also support an alternate: "Why did Ron Paul want Walt's mom's uterus?"

Dorothy said...

One other: A simple line drawing of a uterus with "NOT YOURS, RON PAUL" over it.

Amy said...

Perhaps he was hungry?

Joseph said...

can the "not yours, Ron Paul" uterus be the next Mathlete Brand Tshirt?

TheVanBlogger said...

Since the uterus looks an awful lot like a cow in line drawings, I'm not sure it'll work.

On second though, I think we'd also be showing Ron Paul just how we feel about our cattle. Brilliant.

ejjikk said...

He can have mine if he's really that hungry for them.

I'm still not voting for him, but at least I can stop spending money on birth control.

Thoughtful Review Guy said...

From the fact that a libertarian is a person who thinks the market can solve market failures, it is obvious that Ron Paul is a dummy.

The Snark DC said...

My friend is Assistant to the President for the Feminist Majority Foundation - I feel it is my civic duty to pass along the uterus information so that they may make a snappy t-shirt for the next protest.

Perhaps a "Keep Your Ron Paul Off My Uterus" design?

JessecaB said...

Wow. I am definitely not voting for Ron Paul. If I do he might try to take *my* uterus!

Lumpen said...

Maybe he was trying to prevent her from popping out another YOU.

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