"Gentlemen, start your boners"
"Am I right, ladies?" (stand-up comics only)
"Rap? More like 'Crap'!"
"Okay, obviously the war is about oil, but so what? We need oil."
"I just don't 'get' kittens"
"DC is far superior to Marvel" (Okay, you can be friends with me, but only under the condition that you admit you're stupid)
"If you don't like it, you can get the hell out" (when "it" is America. If "it" is, say, someone's house, that's perfectly fine)
"I like all kinds of music except _____"*
"I like all kinds of music" (These are not as big dealbreakers as the others, but I've grown to loathe statements like these. As someone really perceptive whose name I've forgotten once observed, "People who say they like all kinds of music usually don't really like music)
"It's been over a year... When are you going to start doing a Family Circus blog already???"