Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Anyone who has ever said the following is not allowed to be friends with me

"Gentlemen, start your boners"

"Am I right, ladies?" (stand-up comics only)

"Rap? More like 'Crap'!"

"Okay, obviously the war is about oil, but so what? We need oil."

"I just don't 'get' kittens"

"DC is far superior to Marvel" (Okay, you can be friends with me, but only under the condition that you admit you're stupid)

"If you don't like it, you can get the hell out" (when "it" is America. If "it" is, say, someone's house, that's perfectly fine)

"I like all kinds of music except _____"*

"I like all kinds of music" (These are not as big dealbreakers as the others, but I've grown to loathe statements like these. As someone really perceptive whose name I've forgotten once observed, "People who say they like all kinds of music usually don't really like music)

"It's been over a year... When are you going to start doing a Family Circus blog already???"


Skelly's Roommate said...

Amen on the Marvel/DC thing.

I agree on the "I like all kinds of music thing."

cb said...

oooh. i've never heard anyone say "gentleman, start your boners."
if i did, i'd probably throw up. on the person.

but what DO you say if you have eclectic taste in music? myself, i like mahalia jackson and andrew bird. sufjan stevens and beethoven. radiohead and elvis. the beatles and (ahem) guns n roses. kid koala and madeleine peyroux. hank williams (sr) and debussy. usher and cocteau twins.

Adam said...

"I like all kinds of music except _____"

I have been riling against this forever. Finally, someone that 12 people listen to online agrees with me!

Anonymous said...

I'm with CB. I had this conversation recently with someone I had met, and I hate just giving vague answers or lists. Although I think you're right, I don't really like music, except that I love music. I just don't like explaining/talking about it with people, I suppose. I hate having to say things like "Well, lately I've been listening to a lot of..." or "I don't know, I kind of like..." If you ask me a direct question ("Do you like ___?") I'll answer it, otherwise let's just talk about sports.

deckard said...

But liking "all kinds of music" and liking "all kinds of music except _____" are mutually exclusive and exhaustive options. So are you saying nobody is allowed to be friends with you? That strikes me as antisocial.

Grant said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mene Tekel said...

It's been over a year? Wow.

Princess Sparkle Pants said...

How 'bout:
"That's funny, I don't care who you are"
or any version of "Get er Done". God I HATE those stupid redneck comic people. And I HATE those stupid rednecks who repeat their jokes. Even though I am related to them...

Anonymous said...

"talking about sports is for meat heads and people with poor social skills"

Haha. That isn't accurate at all.

cb said...

i don't know about kevin, but i'm totally saying nobody is allowed to be friends with me.

(to be honest, i hate the "i like everything but____" line too. when i asked, i tell people i like a little bit of many things. usually they tune out when i get to gospel/opera/classical)

jay C said...

1. "Gentlemen, start your boners" is hilarious. If anyone actually said this in real life, I'd leave, but its hilarious nonetheless.

2. On music, I think the more annoying thing is the question is "What kind of music are you into?" I hate it. I hate it. I do like the happy flowers and amy winehouse and sepultura and elvis, but i do not like nofx and 311 and rush and tv on the radio. what is my answer? I think the problem is the question. you're not really supposed to like certain types of music. its just a thing that happens at you and like sometimes you dig, sometimes you don't.

Anonymous said...

I like all kinds of music except hyphy and han folk music.

Joe Mathlete said...

That's actually a pretty good point regarding the music statements: the irritant is really more the dumb question (what kind of music do you like?) than the response it provokes.

deckard, damn you for doing proofs at me. But you're right, so I'll clarify: it seems weird to make a statement about what you like by only specifically naming what you don't like. And probably 98% of people fill in the blank with some combination of rap, country and jazz.

If I met someone who told me they were into everything but rock music, and meant it, I would probably high five them.

Joe Mathlete said...

Oh, and for the record: whenever anyone asks me what kind of music I'm into, I just show them the enormous KISS tattoo on my back.

Ben said...

i don't know if this who you were thinking of, but chuck klosterman wrote "you know those people who say they like all kinds of music? that really means they like no kinds of music."

deckard said...

Yeah, I thnk jay c has the right idea too. I could sit hear and list off all the bands that I have listened to and enjoy, but other than that I don't have a very effective way of answering the question "what music are you into?"

That being said, I like pretty much everything but rap and country.

jilly said...

i usually tell people to name an artist. if i know them, cool, if not i check them out.

Paul McRae said...

Well I guess we can never be friends.

My dreams are shattered.

Skullturf Q. Beavispants said...

I agree with a lot of the commenters about the music thing. From now on, if someone asks me what music I like, instead of vague flailing answers, I'll just name three particular bands I like. Something like "Ween, Supertramp, and the B-52's."

Angelique said...

Well, "I like all kinds of ...." and "I like all kinds, except ...." aren't actually mutually exclusive. There's a whole lotta overlap, in fact. Mutually exclusive would be saying " I like all kinds of music except hardcore" or "I only like hardcore". There you have it, nerd core.

Skullturf Q. Beavispants said...

I think what the logician meant is that the statement "I like all kinds of music" is either true or false. If it's false, that means you like all kinds of music with the exception of certain ones.

Matt said...

What's wrong with liking DC? I happen to have an affinity for the Legion of Super-Heroes.

Skullturf Q. Beavispants said...

Yeah, I was always a DC guy too. Sorry Joe.

Sofia said...

Chuck Klosterman said that thing about music (whether originally or not) in the book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs. He followed it up by saying the only thing he hates worse is when people say that they "like all music except country (but older country music is good)" That's the only thing I kind of remember from that book.

Joe Mathlete said...

I've never read Chuck Klosterman, but I think I really really have to now. I guess I was quoting someone who was quoting someone... Groovy.

It's not that I hate DC; it's just inferior. I stopped reading comics a good ten years ago, so it's possible that Marvel went way downhill (I hear they killed Captain America for no good reason, and fuck that because he's boss), but DC's continuity was all fucked up and that really bothered me.

I need to check the comments more often; I was bad at that for a few weeks as of late, but people say neat things.

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