Thursday, July 19, 2007


It has occurred to me that I have come up with a fair share of slang terminology over the course of my lifetime, some of which I use almost every day, and I ought to begin cataloguing it somewhere. This probably isn't one of the worst places to do so.

FOR SERIOUS: What has just been said is true and is not a joke; for real. ("Yeah, I saw this guy bench press an entire cow. For serious!")

BEATS: This one is the most prominent in my stable. Similar to "Aloha" but more versatile, this is a general exclamation indicating:

-"hello" (PERSON: Hi, Joe. / ME: Beats!)
-"goodbye" (PERSON: So long, Joe. / ME: Beats!)
-"I am glad about that thing" (PERSON: I made you a cookie... / ME: Ah, beats!)
-"I am disappointed about that thing" (PERSON: ... but I ated it. / ME: Ah, beats...)
-"I don't really know what to say but I'm going to say something just to say something because that's what people do in conversations" (PERSON: Man I swear, the Astros have lost five of their last seven games with Jason Jennings on the mound. / ME: Well, y'know... Beats...)

and things to that effect. Can also be used in place of "Love," "Sincerely," "Respectfully yours" or what have you at the end of correspondence.

EAT MY BEATS: A challenge; exclamation indicating a throwing down of the gauntlet. (These jump rope moves are going to destroy you... Get ready to eat my beats). ALTERNATELY: Loosely, "kiss my grits" ("I've had it up to here with this entire broke-ass operation... You can tell the rest of the Jump Rope Club to eat my beats.")

PROPSING: Paying tribute; giving props. May or may not be ironic. ("Don't even pretend you don't like Richard Marx... You were just propsing him yesterday on your podcast.")

BRINE: Pee. ("No, I'll just be a second; I only gotta make brine. And anyway, gas station bathrooms are way too gross to make pickles in.")

BEANS: Generic, all-purpose swear word. ("What the... did that fucking cockatoo shit on my keyboard again? Ah, beans!")

These are my most commonly used challanges to the English language... Do with them what you will, but please don't make me regret sharing them.


Joe Mathlete


Jonathan said...


Longtime reader, first time commentist.

First of all, I love reading your blog. Particularly the ongoing "Grone Protocol" series.

However, I have to take issue with you claiming "for serious" as a Joe Mathleteism. I've know people who have been using this for years (prior to bloggists such as yourself finding marginal fame on the Internet). Maybe sometime way back when, my companions made a trip to Houston and overheard you say this on a random street corner and spread the infectious disease against grammer throughout the rest of the continental U.S. More likely, this is just part of the shared subconsciousness of our fair land.

In any event, you make my work day brighter than it ought to be.

Sacramende, CA

The Mayor said...

I aught to nickles-in-a-nylon your face. If Joe says he made up "for serious", then he did.

frogboots said...

beats. is nice.

of late, i have been saying: 'Kiss my shamrocks' (which is on a button-badge found in my grandmother's jewelry box after her death).

Kiss my shamrocks is a lot better than kiss my ass, i think.

but how do people know you're not saying



Joe Mathlete said...

Ah, man... That's kind of a bummer if I actually wasn't the originator of For Serious, but I guess it wouldn't be too surprising. This stuff happens to me kind of a lot (see: , , a time early on in the Mathletes when I wrote a song, I wrote a song for you, and all the things you do, and it was called "Yellow").

Jillian said...

I think it's cool that you say "for serious" whether or not it's original. i tend to say "for totally!" i don't know how original that is. or cool. but then i never claimed to be cool.

Joe Mathlete said...


You know, I don't think I've ever been asked to beats before (other than "wait, what?" and then I say it again and they go "oh... okay" and leave it at that). A downside to the expression is that, on the phone, it can sound like I'm saying "peace" if I'm saying goodbye to someone who doesn't know me that well, and they probably think I'm a Dave Matthews fan or something after that.

Princess Sparkle Pants said...

Joe- I totally thought it was "Beets", too. Because, well, you know. Also? Dave Matthews AND Phish.

raych said...

I worked in a baby-daycare, and we had this little guy who was just learning to talk, and I guess no one had taught him the word for 'grapes' but he had them in his lunch all the time, so he had to make up his own, and he called them 'deets.' Eventually, my sister and I started using the word 'deets' in all the ways that you use 'beats.' I think this is part of our shared-myth of slang.

Colinski said...


Leanna said...
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Leanna said...
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Leanna said...

I'm ok with people thinking that I'm saying peace. I do like Dave Matthews. And Phish. (And Keller Williams).

Colinski said...

Dude! Josh Fruhlinger just used "for serious" in his weekly political cartoon blog on wonkette. I can't help but wonder if he reads Marmaduke Explained (and this blog)! That would explain why he so rarely snarks on Marmaduke on The Comics Curmudgeon (except last week when you were on vacation and it really needed doing).

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