(When you’re a kid, I'm guessing there’s not much of a difference between being depressed and being perceptive)

I would like to say some things about clowns now.

A lot of people are afraid of clowns, or they hate clowns. I’m not afraid of clowns, and I don’t hate clowns. I just don’t think they’re necessary, and they kind of make me sad.

When I was a kid, I was at a birthday party and there was a clown, making jokes, and doing things with balloons. And I realized once I got up close to him, hey, that’s not a clown, that’s a guy dressed like a clown, doing clown stuff. And then I realized that all clowns are just guys dressed like clowns, doing clown stuff. It’s a small thing, and may not seem like a lot, but it’s a big distinction when you’re five and you’re told that clowns are supposed to be a big deal.

Here’s this guy who’s getting paid to be silly and do funny things and make kids laugh, and then he’s got to put on this funny outfit and makeup and a wig, but at the end of the day he’s still just a guy, and a guy who just finished taking off a funny outfit and makeup and a wig; all the effort he puts into being a clown probably makes him sadder I bet, not happier. So why not just do the silly funny stuff without all the clown stuff?

Well, it would be kind of weird to just pay some dude to do clown stuff in front of your kids if he wasn’t a clown, yeah, I’ll give you that. But: why isn’t it weird just because he puts on all the clown stuff?

Ah, why not: A repost from my band's MySpace blog

"A new album coagulates, and also we’re playing a show in Austin next week"
Current mood: don’t be scared

Hi Internet,

It's been awhile since I've said anything meaningful here so I thought I'd give a little update of sorts. Here is some information for you, if you were wondering:

- The Mathletes are playing a show in Austin on March 14th, sometime around 3 or 4 in the afternoon. We were actually accepted into the South by Southwest music conference/festival/party but we had to drop out because of my work schedule, which was massively disappointing and supremely ass-backwards in a lot of ways but that's life for you. But this afternoon day show thing will probably end up being better in many respects, including stress (low) and fun (high). I will give out additional information when I get it myself, or just send me a message if you'd like to know how you can find out more (like where specifically this is going down).

- I am finishing up a new album right now, and hope to have it done within the end of the month (but who knows). I am proud of the way it is turning out. I am not sure if it should come out under the name The Mathletes; to me it seems very different than the last few Mathletes albums in a lot of ways, and certainly different than every album that's come out since we started ever playing live, but I've been making music and calling it "The Mathletes" since I was 16 so and I don't know what else I ought to do at this point. I am probably overthinking this. Anyway it's supposed to come out on Asaurus Records later this year, but I keep forgetting to write them.

- My access to the internet has been fairly unreliable over the last couple of months, and I'm starting to realize what a subtle blessing that is.

- Here is a list of working titles I have for songs and parts of songs that I am working and reworking on right now. There will be way less songs than this on the final album. This will be due to editing.

Congratulations / I Refuse To Dance
God Rains Down His Terrible Magic
I Read Your Book
Ocean Song /Slow Apocalypse (An Interpretation of the Biblical Concept of The Rapture Wherein the End of the World is Not Instantaneous but Rather the Ongoing and Inevitable Cycle of Death in Life)
Bottlecaps and Something Else
This City Doesn't Deserve Us
Making Up Our Own Religion
Churchill's Dog Hotel
Beautiful Wheelbarrow
Context Ruins Everything
Beautiful Wheelbarrow Dreamberry Day
Hooray It's The Future And No One Cares
New Early Life
Noises Little Ones
Doctor Doctor (Young Mammals cover)
Hearts Break (Hearts of Animals cover)
A Bright-Ass Light (Jana Hunter cover)
This City Doesn't Deserve Us
Now That It's Over Now
For I Am Glad That God Is Lord
Sumflower
Elephant Watches The Hummingbird Fly
Everyone You Know, Hello!
Cephalopod
A Grandpa for Every Day
Striking Up A Conversation
Hiding is Fun

- In other news: interesting things continue to happen all around us.

Looking back on those songtitles now it seems like I've got some sort of biblical fixation... I'm about as religious as a beagle so I don't know quite to make of that.

"GENEOLOGY" (script for a short film that should probably never be made)

(BILLY, a teenage boy, is sitting at the kitchen table playing Gameboy, but one of the new Gameboys that's not called "Gameboy". TABITHA, BILLY's grandmother, walks into the room)

TABITHA: Billy?

BILLY: Oh! Hey, Grandma. How are you?

TABITHA: Billy, I've got something to tell you.

BILLY: What's up?

TABITHA: Please, put the game down, dear. I... This is rather important.

BILLY: (pausing Tetris or whatever) What is it? Is something wrong?

TABITHA: No, nothing's wrong, but... Well, I don't know exactly how to put this... Billy, you know you're very special to me, no matter what?

BILLY: Aww, Grandma...

TABITHA: Billy, I've watched you grow up over the years from a little boy into a fine, wonderful young man, and I think you're ready to hear this now.

BILLY: What is it, Grandma?

TABITHA: Well, Billy, the truth is, though I'll always love her more than anything... Your mother isn't actually my daughter.

BILLY: What do you mean?

TABITHA: After I married your Grandfather, God rest his soul, we wanted nothing more than to have children of our own, but the doctors told us we weren't able to conceive, so we talked to an orphanage and adopted your mother.

BILLY: So wait-- so that means you're not my real grandmother?

TABITHA: Well dear, technically speaking, no, I'm not.

BILLY: So we're not related at all...

TABITHA: No... No, we're not...

BILLY: So...

TABITHA: ...

(cut to BILLY and TABITHA making love on a king size canopy bed. Two French doors are open, leading to a balcony filled with flowers and a sky exploding with fireworks. Music: an orchestral version of any Coldplay song)

THE END

(note: 99% of credit/blame goes to Zach Howard, from whom I stole the idea more or less completely)

2008 part two

Hi internet. Sorry I've been away for so long; I've been doing stuff.

My life is a lot different than it was last time we spoke. I live in a different city and have cable for the first time since I was in high school. I find myself mostly watching CNN, sometimes Shin Chan if I'm up late enough. I work a very silly job that is a lot of fun. I'll give you a hint: I wear a silly hat and they say there's a teeny tiny chance I might get to meet Lou Reed.

I am not able to be around you that much for the time being, internet. I am sorry about this; it's not you, it's me. And it's not CNN's fault, either; even though I'm obsessing over the Obama campaign, madly in love with Abbi Tatton's British accent and oddly fascinated by the bizarre flirting between Wolf Blitzer and Jack Cafferty, I have many other reasons from being forced to keep my distance from you. That doesn't mean I love you any less than I ever did, so don't you go getting into hard drugs or prostitution just to fill a void, okay? There are still plenty of other people out there to browse your Wikipedia entries and reload Yahoo! News every five minutes.

LYLAS,

JM

2008

2008 is shaping up to be an interesting year for me. Among many other things, most of which aren't worth mentioning to the internet-at-large, I will be moving to Austin, Texas for several months beginning late January to take a job. I bring this up here because I will not have a reliable internet connection while I am living there, either where I'll be living or where I'll be working. This will make it harder to write things on the internet on a somewhat regular basis.

Now: I waste a shitload of time online, so this may turn out to be a good thing for me personally. I can make myself devote time to finishing a new Mathletes album, or riding my bike, or reading that Neil Young biography that someone loaned me six months ago, or finally learning to play the trumpet, or masturbating using nothing but the power of my imagination (and BOTH hands!), or taking naps, or learning to cook something besides eggs or pasta. The sky's the limit when you're not catching up on/held prisoner by hilarious YouTube clips of Saturday Night Live's The Best of Jon Lovitz.

I am still figuring out exactly what this means for this blog and anything else I do online. I promise to keep you posted as I figure out exactly what's what.

Top Fifteen New Television Shows of 2007

Reality:
5. Crying With The Stars
4. Eat This Thing
3. I Can't Believe We're Having Fucking Sextuplets
2. Who Wants Some Dollars
1. Asshole Celebrity Children

Drama:
5. The Ghost Frottager
4. Sex Cops
3. CSI: Yo' Mama
2. The Pretenderer
1. Law And Order: File Sharing Task Force

Comedy:
5. YTMNDTV
4. My Fat Stupid Husband
3. The Date Rapers
2. Eleven Minute ADD Stoner Cartoon
1. The Benny Hill Show (US)

Top Twenty Songs of 2007

20. "Scream At Me (Cold)" by Painther
19. "Whiskey, Scotch and Liquor" by Johnny Rumbleseat
18. "At Least My Fish Loves Me" by Leave Grandpa Alone
17. "Do U Want (To Sit Wit' Me)" by Big Baby K
16. "Death" by Temple of Disgust
15. "(To Be Held By The Strong Tender Loving Arms Of) A Man Like You" by Jacqueline St. Croix
14. "Touch The Dragon" by Omega Horse
13. "Jumpy" by Lady Love (feat. Zoom Crew)
12. "A Pocketful of Chrysanthemum" by Flown Away With Whales
11. "Watch Me Touch It" by Fancy Fea$t
10. "Forget-You-Not" by The Crying Team
9. "Another Drink With My Buds (Part Two)" by Auntie Penultimate
8. "Clap (Your Hands)" by Turtle Birthday
7. "21st Century Lycanthropy" by High Crimes of the Modern City-State
6. "Cat Got Your Tail" by Judy Toot and the Pickles
5. "Everybody Say Party" by Fat Man & Li'l Boy
4. "Shouting At U" by Johnni James
3. "A Boat and a Pig and a Ten Farthings Ago" by Eliza Jane Maddox
2. "Ticklish (They're So)" by Deluxxxe
1. "Jeremy (Pearl Jam cover)" by The Bashful Swingsets