Saturday, January 17, 2009

MySpace Band Spam Revenge, Part 3 of 3

The following is from the original comments section of the last MySpace blog entry I posted. The lesson (worded better towards the end): if you're going to be a dick, be prepared to acquit yourself when called out. I should point out, however, that I did mention at the very top of our page that I reserved the right to make fun of any band who asked to be internet band friends with us in an obviously spam-based fashion.

Anyway.

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Posted by TONERAMM: INSTRUMENTAL on Friday, April 14, 3:14 AM

I wonder what was your point of adding me as a friend to only subsequently badmouth me on your blog... seems a bit disingenious, doesn't it? FWIW, I actually listened to your music, and liked some of it, which is why I sent you an add in the first place.

Feel free to delete me from your friend list if you find my work or my persona unappealing. But before posting publicly about another artist, you could have at least checked the readily available facts -- e.g. this New Yorker blurb (EDIT: HE LINKED TO SOMETHING FROM THE NEW YORKER WHICH CONTAINED A SENTENCE THAT INCLUDED HIS NAME) or whatever press/bio info is linked on my page.

Regards.

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Posted by THE MATHLETES on Friday, April 14, 2:23 PM

Thanks for the reply, Toneramm: Instrumental. To respond to some of your comments:

"I wonder what was your point of adding me as a friend to only subsequently badmouth me on your blog... seems a bit disingenious, doesn't it?"

Though I've updated our profile since you sent me your request, the part that's up there right now about band spam was carried over from the older version verbatim. Can't say I didn't warn you, my (new internet) friend.

"FWIW, I actually listened to your music, and liked some of it, which is why I sent you an add in the first place."

FWIW, no you didn't. According to your page, you now have over 11,000 friends. Assuming that only one half of one percent of those are bands, you've listened to songs (multiple songs, unless when you say you liked "some of" The Mathletes' music you meant certain specific parts of a single song) from between five and six hundred bands in five weeks-- and those are just the ones that got the Tonearm: Instrumental Gold Standard Seal of Internet Friendship Approval. Putting these obvious logistical issues aside, if you'd spent any time loading songs on The Mathletes' page, you would have been able to read the aforementioned caveat to aspiring My Chemical Romances (which, in two sentences, you've made clear you didn't).

"Feel free to delete me from your friend list if you find my work or my persona unappealing. But before posting publicly about another artist, you could have at least checked the readily available facts-- e.g. (this New Yorker blurb) or whatever press/bio info is linked on my page."

Ah, but reading any information other than what's on your MySpace page would sully the purity of the My New Internet Friends project. The whole point here is that I'm giving you as much consideration as the average person you're spamming with friend requests: I look at your picture, I skim your bio and info, I listen to half a minute of one of your songs, and I'm equipped with all the information I need to form my opinion. So no, I'm not going to read about how you and four other guys played CDs at a club that a New Yorker staff writer's daughter took him to or whatever (just speculation). However, if you send me a friend request for your New Yorker blurb's MySpace page, then we'll talk (but make sure to actually read my profile this time).

LYLAS,

Joe Mathlete

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Posted by TONERAMM: INSTRUMENTAL on Friday, April 14, 3:54 PM

You obviously have a lot of time on your hands to spend on ad hominem attacks based on myspace friend counts of people who send you friend requests. Whatever floats your boat.

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Posted by THE MATHLETES on Saturday, April 15, 3:08 PM

Obviously. Hey, you waste the best years of your life annoying strangers on the internet in the guise of promoting your go-nowhere musical endeavor your way; I'll waste the best years of my life annoying strangers on the internet in the guise of promoting my go-nowhere musical endeavor my way.

The difference being that you've annoyed thousands upon thousands of essentially anonymous strangers for five seconds apiece without having been provoked, and I've annoyed one non-anonymous stranger for going on two days now because he sent me the MySpace equivalent of one of those "ENLARGE YOUR PENIS UP TO FOUR INCHES AND WIN A FREE IPOD" emails despite having been given sufficient warning not to.

Anyway, I'm sorry if I upset you... I just hope you won't let this get in the way of our new internet friendship.

Sorry so sloppy,
Joe Mathlete

---------------------------
Posted by TONERAMM: INSTRUMENTAL on Sunday, April 16, 5:47 PM

Look -- I have no time for trading insults or writing retorts to your warped view of how social networks operate. In the constructive spirit of generousity condusive to internet friendship, I will only say this to you:

I have been studying, writing, producing, and performing music for close to twenty years now. I am sharing some instrumental tracks that people who may know my other work would not be familiar with. There is no hype on my page, no banners, no invitations to purchase anything -- just basic info and the music. A lot of people appear to like this music. I bet, you would have enjoyed it too, had you approached it amiably and spent a bit more that 30 seconds listening. Instead, you chose to waste 25 minutes complaining about my friend count. It's your choice.

Life is too short. Adios.

-------------------------
Posted by THE MATHLETES on Sunday, April 16, 7:18 PM

"I have no time for trading insults or writing retorts to your warped view of bloobidy blah blah bloo etc."

That probably would have carried more weight had you said it right off the bat, rather than in your third written retort (I'd agree that you haven't really been all that insulting to me, but for you to be truly effective in that regard you would have to find out more about me and my band, and I know how you hate to read MySpace profiles). To be quite honest, I'm not so much made of time these days myself, but in the interest of not looking like a total asshole, I'll continue to respond to criticism of my criticism. As my grandmother was fond of saying, "if you can't say something nice, and you can't say nothing at all, at least be prepared to justify why you're mocking someone."

And I really hate to belabor this, but the quality of your music is wholly irrelevant here. I don't care if you sound like The Flaming Deerhoofs; you ignored the caveat in my profile and sent me internet junk mail, so I followed through on my promise and made fun of (among other things) your unimaginative name, silly hat, and warped view of how social networks operate.

"I am sharing some instrumental tracks that people who may know my other work would not be familiar with"

Then let Toneramm: A Capella's friends know about Toneramm: Instrumental, and leave the rest of us alone.

Sincerely,
A cartoon duck in a fake band on the internet

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deckard said...

^ LOL

Come on, you have to appreciate the irony.

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alek said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alek said...

One half of one percent of 11,000 is 55, not 550. I didn't read your Myspace profile so I don't know if you accept math corrections, but given the name of your band you probably should.

Otherwise this was hilarious.

Maggie said...

I love you like you love Rachel Maddow, in that pure way of a stranger blown away by your intellect and charm as it is presented to the faceless hordes through a mass communication device.

I also had my index card art framed, and it came out so nice that it's been suggested that I send you a photo. Expect one as soon as I find my camera...

/Martens said...

Joe, I know this might come as an annoying comment, but you should consider Stand-Up Comedy.

This sketch is like a perfect reconstruction of something by Eugene Mirman or Michael Ian Black.

Just...something to consider.

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