Monday, January 19, 2009
Why won't Rachel Maddow marry me?
Well, for starters I have never asked her. In fact, the two of us have never even met face to face, nor corresponded in any way shape or form; thus if I were to propose to her out of the blue it would be against most socially accepted courtship norms. Though I have been a fan of hers ever since I was a bored temp listening to Air America while pretending to do data entry, I don't think I would want to be married to somebody who would agree to marry me without even having met me, and I'm sure that goes the same for Rachel Maddow.
Beyond all that, according to Wikipedia she is in a long term committed relationship already, and it is enormously presumptuous of me to assume that said relationship will come to an end any time soon, if at all. She is certainly not going to break it off just to marry someone who watches her talk about the news and finds her swan-like neck distractingly attractive.
Finally, there is of course the obvious: the unrequited sexual tension bottling up in Keith Olbermann would finally reach a boiling point and he would murder me.