Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Things I can't say to the Loud Talkative Guy I work with on account of politeness

- As long as I have worked here I have engaged you in conversation three times. Twice it was something along the lines of "how do you use the copier." The first time I asked you what your name was. Every other interaction we have ever had has been you coming into this fileroom and making copies while talking very long and very fast and very loudly about something that has caught your interest in the past few hours. Our relationship is one-sided at best.

- I don't know anything about sports. I saw a picture of Roger Clemens last year and he was fat. That is basically the extent of my knowledge of Roger Clemens, and more than I care to know. You have no reason to talk at me about Roger Clemens, or sports in general.

- If you're going to quote scenes from the movie you saw over the weekend at me, common courtesy dictates you tell me the name of the movie first, or that you are quoting a scene from a movie, rather than just talking. Beyond that, don't quote scenes from the movie you saw over the weekend at me. I don't care.

- While I am grateful for your years of service stationed on a Navy base in South Korea, it does not make you an expert on foreign policy. Neither does watching Jay Leno's monologue from last night (and I appreciate you telling me where you're taking your jokes from, but that does not change the fact that you're telling me about something you saw on TV without me ever implying curiosity). Neither does being very loud and talking very fast.

- Speaking of Korea, I know several Koreans and I have never heard any of them say "ching chong wing wong." Not once, not even in jest.

- You are so loud.

- If I were allowed to make up rules about professional wrestling, one of them would be "grown men are not allowed to voice strong opinions about professional wrestling," unless that opinion is "I hate professional wrestling." The opinion you (loudly, frequently) voice is not "I hate professional wrestling." I'm just saying.

- If I were allowed to be drunk at work, I imagine things would be much different between the two of us. As it stands, I don't think it's fair that you can apparently be drunk at work and I can't.

7 comments:

kbryna said...

the last three items on this list are pretty much genius.

joe mathlete, where does your brilliance end??????????

Sue Who said...

Joe -

Delurking to say I'm seeing lots of pickle ads here today.

Good work on the pickle front.

Neil said...

might i be so bold as to suggest you combine your two most recent posts and create:

"the meaning of loud talkative guy"!

yes, i might be.

also, i need to bring 60 muffins to school tomorrow for the graduation bakesale. can you make those tonight?

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