Joe Mathlete presents FAMILY GUY: DETRACTOR'S CUT

(Much thanks to my friend Jonathan for inspiring this)

Presenting for your edification: Family Guy season 6 episode 16, minus every instance it resorted to one of the program's Five Pillars of Lazy Post-Simpsons Hack Bullshit (see: the last thing I wrote). I searched at random for something from the most recent season and went with the first episode I came across, ensuring that the show would have a fair shot at giving me it's best work, or at least its most average and representative. This also ensured that I would only have to watch one episode of Family Guy.

I was able to shave a full ten minutes off the episode's runtime without removing anything that had remotely to do with the actual plot of the show. It takes a couple of minutes for the episode to really lean hard on the cheap hack copouts that are Family Guy's bread and butter; keep your eyes peeled and see if you can spot every time I had to cut something. If every example is correctly pointed out, there's probably a prize or something.

I'm proud at how much this improves the show. Watch it quick, before someone on the internet or from 20th Century Fox says I'm not allowed to do this and it gets taken down.

I'm taking a short break for a few days or so... When I get back: words!

Let's get snarky!

I went back and read some old comments this morning. I was hoping to feed my insatiable Thursday morning narcissism (it only seems to flare up Thursday mornings... I'm supposed to schedule a doctor's appointment but I keep putting it off), but in doing so I discovered that a couple folks didn't seem to appreciate my Magritte Explained post dealing with "The Treachery Of Images." Sort of:

Sue Who said...
Of course not. It's a painting.

Duh.
12:37 PM

Danny said...
It's not a pipe. It's a picture of a pipe, and that's the GOSH WOW difference.
5:46 AM

Loathe as I am to get into such a discourse (on the fucking internet, no less) I figured I ought to somehow respond. When I was done, it seemed like I had enough for today's post, so enjoy my rebuttal as I go back to looking at myself in the mirror until it's time for lunch.

Joe Mathlete said...
This is a "humor blog," where I write jokes and things similar to jokes. I did not think I would confuse anyone with this or any other of the Magritte Explained posts into believing I was turning it into a legitimate surrealist painting discussion/interpretation blog, but I forgot that you can now get college credit for smugly commenting on inaccuracies in blog entries, so my mistake for leaving any room for error.

I understand that getting that degree (and proving to the internet that you've grasped the meaning of a half-century old painting) can win out over any desire to give a guy the benefit of the doubt, so from now on I'll be eschewing subtlety, ambiguity and irony altogether. Tune in tomorrow for a list of my Grandpa Nestor's favorite Polish jokes.

Sincerely,

Joe Mathlete

p.s.-- To take a different angle: don't you suppose that I'd know a thing or two about Rene Magritte and his art if I was writing these entries? I didn't just google "apple face guy painting" and go from there.

6:57 AM

If the Smashing Pumpkins are reuniting with only Billy Corgan and the drummer...

How is that different from a Zwan reunion?