Fish vs. Pine Tree

Draw.

Lion vs. Hamster (On a Boat)

Hamster jumps off boat, Lion chases after, both drown. Boat wins.

Lion vs. Hamster

Lion catches and eats the hamster, but is still hungry.

Pig vs. Snake vs. Ice Cream

No matter what, ice cream loses.

Dudes Korner: "How to convince a lady to have sex with you in 20 words or less"

"I'll bet you my penis can't fit inside your vagina. If you win, you get to have sex with me!"

"Pardon me, but could I interest you in some orgasms?"

"It's not long, but it's skinny!" (warning: highly risky)

"You remind me of a girl I used to know who loved having casual sex with me"

"Do you have any (your ethnicity) in you? Want some in your vagina?"

"Whooo, baby, you're making MY 'seventh inning' stretch!" (only effective during the seventh inning at baseball games, if at all)

"What are you, chicken?"

Joe Mathlete Improves Famous Poetry

This Is Just to Say
(William Carlos Williams)

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so yummy
Mmm-mmm yummy plums

A Dream Deferred
(Langston Hughes)

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun? Yuck!
Or fester like a sore--
And then run? Double yuck!
Does it stink like rotten meat? Yuck City USA!!!
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet? NOW we're talking!

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

I hope it crusts and sugars over like a syrupy sweet.

The Road Not Taken
(Robert Frost)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And a grizzly bear ate me.

Haiku Corner

"Untitled Haiku For Grandchildren"

As you are right now
So too was I, long ago
Still, please hush up now


"Untitled Haiku For Grandchildren no. 2"

Stop picking your nose
There are no more boogers there
What is wrong with you


"Untitled Haiku For Grandchildren no. 3"

When I was your age
I wasn't such an asshole
Sure, go tell your mom