Friday, May 25, 2007
I listened to a Bright Eyes song today
Like all the way through. Oh holy fuck I am angry.
Bright Eyes, for those of you who have not been college students or have not tried to impress college students within the last five years, is basically Dashboard Confessional only well-regarded by people who should know better (if you don't know who Dashboard Confessional is either, congratulations! You have led a blessed life and you can go read something else now if you like). The vehicle of a bratty and ludicrously self-lacerating midwestern singer-songwriter named Conor Oberst (side note-- how come yuppies were so terrible at coming up with first names for their children?) who has inspired sex dreams involving cunnilingus and weeping amongst countless artsy teenage girls, Bright Eyes/Oberst is the kind of guy who writes yelpy folk songs about why everyone should hate him so that everyone will like him. If you're between the ages of 16 and 30 you probably know or have known a guy like that. He's a dick, right? Right.
I've avoided this guy's music like a bucketful of cancer since I was first exposed to him and have actually had the good fortune of not having heard a single one of his songs for several years, but KEXP just played a song called "Soul Singer in a Session Band" from his new album and I figured it's good to keep informed of one's enemies so I didn't change stations (or URLs, I guess). I'm not going to go into why it was bad, other than the little asshole thinks he can combine pretending to hate himself and pretending to be Bob Dylan nowadays, but I will say that my day is more or less ruined now. Okay, one more thing: If you're from Nebraska and you're going to affect a British accent, you ought to have the decency to commit to it for more than just a handful of words.
I implore you to call your local independant/college-affiliated radio station and request that they not play any Bright Eyes songs. It's worth a shot. Make sure to punctuate your phonecall with forced hysterical crying, because judging by how many records Bright Eyes has sold, people really listen to you when you fake a tantrum.